So, I've fallen in love again; hard and fast and with every cell of my being. In our nursing program, our nursing teacher gave us each experiences on the Labor and Delivery floor. The second I stepped foot on the floor, I felt like I was home again (in that not-really-home-because-my-house-doesn't-smell-like-amniotic-fluid-institutional-grade-cleaner-and-hospital-food kind of way). I was reminded of what brought me into this program in the first place; ladies' parts, blood, and baby! Not only was I reminded of how much I love babies and mommies, but I also found an answer to a question that had been slowly munching away at the deepest recesses of my mind. Do I really want to be a midwife or do I really want to be an Obstetrician? Did I decide to become a midwife because I was really drawn to the idea of empowering and accompanying women in one of the most exciting journeys in their lives, wanting to be there every second of every contraction, reminding them to breath, and helping them to achieve exactly the labor story they wanted....AND YES! Midwives give drugs!!..., or was I just a coward, afraid to take the MCATs, sure I would end up in some online medical school...or worse...at some Mexican medical school that advertised in bar fliers. Well, we watched a Cesarian Section, and I got my answer. I have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to become an OB. I most certainly do NOT want to be a surgeon. It was amazing, and I didn't get sick or anything, but it was so precise, so nerve-wracking. It's the kind of thing that you need to do every time with an underlying sense of fear because the second you get too comfortable you end up leaving a sponge in the wound or accidentally knick the bladder...or something even worse. I don't strive to live my life with a low undertone of fear permeating my professional career.
I realize that, professionally, I may still have to make rounds on a medical/surgical floor, with my only responsibility being emptying bedside commodes and delivering meds, but now I've been reintroduced to the light at the end of the tunnel...the light that hunted me down a year and three months ago, taunting me with it's allure and promise of baby cries and an invitation to attend the purest and strongest example of female achievement. Old people fanny...watch out! Here I come, and I'll be wiping you faster and happier than any other fanny wiper you've had in your life!
Love this and that you have found your way. "old people fanny" tag makes me laugh - I needed that - thanks. :-)
ReplyDeleteCHEERS! Here's to finding the light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I can see why it renewed your desire to be a midwife. Sometimes we have to deal with a bit of "fanny" to get to our goals. I am so happy you got your reminder of why you love it.
ReplyDeleteWhile I read this I was listening to "Longer" by Dan Fogelberg... a perfect accompaniment to this post ;-)
http://www.lyricsfire.com/viewlyrics/dan-fogelberg/longer-lyrics.htm
You're braver than most! I could never!! haha...I fainted when I was there for my sister to give birth to my niece, out cold on the floor! Guess I am a little sqeamish!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you Hilary. I know how you were getting so frustrated and disappointed with all the wiping. I hope that when I go back to school to do the same thing you are doing now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel like you are. Hang in there girl. Before you know you'll delivering baby after baby and you'll be so glad you went through everything.
ReplyDeleteLiége
Congrats on your new bundle. I just came across your blog and couldn't help but stop. Im a new mommy to a 3 month old and am so in love! Good luck with everything! Keep in touch if you'd like.
ReplyDeleteLindsay Lee
Wonderful, Hillary! Yes, you have to put in the "fanny wiping" hours and all the basics before you get to the good stuff. I'm so glad you've reconnected with your love, and realize that the end result is the most important.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Every nurse has to go through that 'initiation'. I absolutely HATED my clinicals in the nursing home. I loved OB and surgery. Not everything will be your 'cup of tea', but just know that it's a means to an end.
Love your blog; wish like heck we lived closer to each other!
Good luck with nursing school. I choose Medical Technology (analyzing specimens in the lab) as my profession cause I'm not good with patients.
ReplyDeleteHave fun with baby #2, it's so much easier than the...I'm sure you haven't heard that a million times before :).
Not sure how I ended up on your blog...just up late, unable to sleep way over here in Sacramento.
Tasha
Tasha: I'm so glad you made it over! Come follow along. I'm grateful for your thoughts. I don't think any mom can hear that it gets easier too many times!
ReplyDeleteLindsay: 3 months! That means your just leaving the "getting-used-to-it" stage. It really starts to get fun now. As they start to become humans, becoming a mommy is so much more fun. I'm glad you found me. Please, follow along. I would love to keep in touch!
Rachelle: I'm so inspired to find the cheesiest music to post to all my posts from now on. I'm not saying Dan Fogelberg is TOTALLY cheesy (he does have some serious cheese factor though), but I think it would be awesome to add that little extra bump of funny to the posts!
Jennifer: We were checking out schools again last night! My mom is PUMPED at the idea of moving down there. It could happen sooner than we think!
Thanks all for the support and happiness. Now, off to wipe some fanny!
I think you made the right choice in deciding to stick with becoming a midwife. What a wonderful profession! Think of all the lives you will touch.
ReplyDeleteI grew up on the New York/Pennsylvania border outside of Binghamton so I love your blog photo heading.