Here I go, here I go, here I go again..what's my weakness? um...blogging?

Ok...so this is the beginning of my blogging experience. I'll start by outlining some important information about myself.

1. I'm highly unreliable. Not because I don't WANT to be reliable, but more because I get very ADD/ADHD about daily activities. If you were to follow me around for a day (good luck...) you would see the problems I have with arriving anywhere on time and/or when expected. I start out noticing some dust on the television screen and before I know it I've rearranged the bedroom furniture, washed all the curtains in the house, and repainted the window sills, and HAD to stop off and buy a new pair of jeans because...let's be honest...the ones I have just show/don't show off how much weight I've gained/lost. As my best friend Kath put it once, "I know you're going to be there eventually, but don't really worry about brushing my teeth or taking a shower until a couple hours after the time you've told me". The funny thing about this is that I truly had no idea I was as bad as I really was. I figured I was about 70%/30% punctual and reliable not/not. It's good to have somebody who knows you better than you know yourself.

2. I LOVE DINOSAURS. I have had an ongoing love affair with the prehistoric beasts since I was seven. I love dinosaurs in the way that sociopath children love fire. As soon as something dinosaur-related comes on the scene, I stop talking/hearing/seeing anything other than said dinosaur item. Don't even TRY to get me to remember you exist when Walking with the Dinosaurs comes on television. Just to further illustrate my love and devotion, perhaps addiction is more appropriate a term, to all things dinosaur, I actually have on long-term loan the Walking with the Dinosaurs VHS set. I borrowed it from a small boy. I'm hoping that the small boy's equal devotion to sports indicates an unspoken "gifting" of the VHS set to me on a permanent basis. Basically I'm confessing to you that I stole a dinosaur VHS set from a little boy. Yes...addiction may be a better term.

3. I love my family and best friend so much that not being near them is slow, determined torture. If we could move closer to them, I'd pack up tomorrow...ok I probably wouldn't wait that long. When my husband looks online at other companies closer to family and Kath (the best friend), I actually start looking for houses to buy online right next to him. I never imagined a life without these people all up in my business everyday, so having that be my reality is a little more than I can comprehend on a daily basis. I actually pretend that I'm only down here until I get this degree, and when that's done we'll move back home. I bet if I actually admitted this was our home then I'd make a friend or two, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet.

4. I love my daughter Giovanna so much. She rocks. Everything she does is amazing to me, and I think all of the people we encounter everyday should feel the same way. When she waves to you...you'd BETTER wave back, and think that it's the cutest dang wave you've ever seen...no other kid waves quite like that, with those fingers and that hand and that smile... Because of this, I don't think your kid is quite as cute or clever. I totally understand how moms and dads of ugly or stupid children can still think their kid(s) are incredible. I never quite understood how moms would still send pictures of their hairy, bushy-eyebrowed, buggy-eyed kids into beautiful baby contests until I had my own. I can't wait to see what this next kid looks like! Although, I'm not in too big a hurry. Two kids is WAY more work than one.

5. I'm beginning to come to terms with the idea that I will NEVER have a real job. Each time I start a degree, I find twenty reasons why I should change my path, and not just a small change...like from studying Art Education to studying Art History...but HUGE changes...like changing from English Education to Fine Arts Painting to Modern Foreign Languages to Molecular Cellular Biology to Philosophy (and for the record I truly have had all of those majors. I finally settled on Molecular Cellular Biology and Pre-Medicine). I now am here finishing up my Masters in Public Health and a Registered Nursing degree. I'll be continuing on as either a Midwife or Nurse Practitioner in Family Medicine, most likely the latter because I cannot wait to go to my children's events. I don't want to have to stop yelling to Giovanna, "OTHER GOAL HONEY...TURN AROUND! YOUR GOAL IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD!", to go and deliver some woman's baby.

Well, that's a good chunk of who I am and an introduction into my world. I'm actually really looking forward to blogging because I always read about how woman bloggers go to fun mommy blogging events, and I'd like to someday attend one. Writing a blog entry is all it takes right? I should probably get my invitation any day now...

Being a mommy

I often think about life pre- and post-baby. I have a 13-month-old baby that I wanted VERY badly. We tried for a month and immediately found out I was pregnant. After 30+ hours of natural labor, I delivered a 7 lb 1/2 oz daughter...for all moms considering natural labor: when you reach hour 24, GET THE EPIDURAL! It's the difference between chatting with your sister until you need to temporarily interrupt your discussion about how adorable the new cherry blossom design is in your new baby-to-be's nursery to say; "oh hang on, I guess it's time to push", and not even knowing that your sister exists because pain has pushed you into a parallel universe where a version of easy is that you've gone five minutes without begging for surgical intervention.

I love my daughter so much that I often can be heard saying, "Mommy loves you so much it makes her tummy ache", and I mean it to the core of my being. I'm such a mommy that I actually change the channel when I encounter shows about children getting stolen or hurt, even if she's not in the room, or awake, or in the house frankly. It's more than I can comprehend, which is saying a lot since I used to advocate for women and children that were raped, molested or abused as a Rape Crisis Advocate. I did that for almost three years! Now, though, I paint my world in shades of rose and gold. However, I often think back to what my life was pre-diva. I think about how we ate out a lot, how we drank high-end beer, and how I didn't have to think about anything other than what would be fun to do tonight. I worked out often, but sometimes I didn't. That was ok because I had a tight little 20-something body. I could drink my face off one night, and make the calories disappear tomorrow. I could take ephedra supplements without worrying if they would cause deformities in my future children. I ate high-sodium foods, indulged in chocolate cake or liquor for dinner, and went nights without sleep because of an exam or report due tomorrow. I guess that's a lot like today...oh wait, NO IT'S NOT!!

I love being a mommy, but I miss being a female. How cliche, I know. I never really thought about some of the stuff that I would miss, things like feeling pretty. This is so unlike me! I never even wore make-up and I PRIDED myself on the fact that I was able to get attention without all the female necessities. I also miss good hair. I'm either puffy and feathery or greasy and ratty. How did delivering a baby from a region NO WHERE NEAR MY HEAD have such a great impact on the behavior of said follicles?! I maintain that my hair is what was able to carry me through thick and thin. It was what identified me. People didn't care about what my face looked like as long as my hair was down. Oh flat tummy; beautiful, strong, flat tummy. Even when I got fat, the stomach maintained it's flatness. I was like the high-end SUV version of my former self...bigger but still as sleek and aerodynamic as ever. Nowadays, I eat a hearty Sunday dinner and I go from a new volvo station wagon sport to Car 54...a nice, reliable, and pleasant-looking version of myself to an old-school punch bug...CAR 54 WHERE ARE YOU?!? Oh...over at the buffet for seconds, alright I'll admit it - THIRDS!! I've tried to work with what I've got now, but nothing seems to ever maintain it's former beauty, so I did what any rational woman would do in my postion; I got pregnant again. At least now I have an excuse.